Everyone talks about how to be a great host and the joys of hosting, but what about being a good guest—specifically, a good dinner guest? Trust me, babe, it’s just as important, especially if you want to keep getting invited back. The quickest way to ensure you don’t get another invite is by being a terrible guest.
Guest etiquette isn’t just about dinners; it’s a skill worth mastering for life. Whether you’re trying to make a good impression on coworkers or navigating rooms where status matters, knowing how to carry yourself as a guest can set you apart. The art of being a people person takes some work, but it can open doors to places you never imagined.
With that in mind, here are some best practices I swear by when it comes to being a guest:
Communicate with Your Host
Congrats on getting the invite, babe—let’s party! But first, be sure to RSVP and thank your host for including you. This is also the perfect time to share any dietary needs, especially if you don’t know the host well. How you approach this depends on your rapport, but in general, it’s polite to ask what’s on the menu and then mention any preferences or restrictions. Closed mouths don’t get fed, or so they say!
Always Bring Something Special
A little gift goes a long way—it says, “Hey, I put some thought into tonight, and I’m excited to be here.” I personally prefer bringing something the host can enjoy later, so they don’t feel pressured to use it during the gathering. Some of my go-to gifts are a high-quality olive oil (Frescobaldi Laudemio is a fav), a lovely candle, a jar of honey, or a stylish dish towel that feels personal to them. Flowers or a small plant are also classic and thoughtful options that never go out of style.
Be a “Connector”
This might be one of the most important lessons I’ve learned: connect people with shared interests. If you know people at the gathering who don’t know each other, take the initiative to introduce them and find common ground to spark a connection. Don’t know anyone? No problem—introduce yourself and look for opportunities to bring others into the conversation. Pull people in, help them feel included. Being a connector not only makes the event more enjoyable for everyone but also leaves a lasting impression—and could snag you more invites in the future.
Stay Engaged
Listen, I get tempted to scroll on my phone and dissociate too, but resist the urge and stay locked into the moment. Be present in the conversations—ask questions and actually listen. Follow up when you can. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, gracefully excuse yourself and take a breather in the bathroom or outside. It’s also worth checking in with yourself about how you’re using alcohol or other things in these moments—just something to be mindful of.
And always have a fun question or icebreaker up your sleeve! One of my favorites is, “You get granted the chance to know the truth about one of life’s biggest mysteries (like if aliens are real or what actually happened with Tom and Katie)—what do you pick?” It’s such a good way to get a glimpse into someone and keep things light. (In case you were wondering, my answer is needing to know all the details about what really happened surrounding Brittany Murphy’s death.)
Be Interesting
This applies to life in general, but seriously—just be interesting. Know things, or at least something. Be engaging, have a unique point of view, and find ways to make whatever you’re into really fascinating, whether that’s through how you share it or by connecting it to other ideas. For what it’s worth, there are plenty of low key geeks and losers out there who want to hear about those hyper-niche things you’re into.
But don’t be a snob or pretentious about it. I’ve been in rooms with incredibly smart people—folks who knew way more about fashion than I ever could—and while I found their insights and work fascinating, I left those situations feeling... dismissed. Why? Because they didn’t make an effort to engage me in the conversation or help me understand the things I might not know. The takeaway? You can have the coolest interests in the world (and, honestly, you should), but if you don’t know how to highlight them in a way that resonates with your audience, none of it really matters.
Don’t Suck Up All the Air
Everyone loves having their moment and being entertaining—but don’t overdo it. Be engaging, sure, but also make space for others. Stay gracious, avoid coming across as stuck-up, and remember, you don’t need to be the center of attention to make a good impression. Pay attention to the group dynamic: if someone hasn’t had the chance to speak, help bring them into the conversation. It’s not just about talking less—it’s about making sure everyone feels seen and included.
Compliment the Host
Hosting takes serious work, so be gracious and show your appreciation. Compliment their efforts, and don’t just stick to the obvious—bonus points for noticing details that might be overlooked, like the napkins, table settings, or their choice of appetizer. Always compliment the food, even when it’s… interesting. And don’t forget to tell them they look amazing! Chances are, they’ve been running around like a chicken with their head cut off all day.
It also wouldn’t hurt to offer a little help—clearing the table, cleaning up, or even just grabbing a dish can go a long way in showing your gratitude.
Offer Thanks
You had a lovely evening, and now it’s time to let your host know. Be sure to thank them in person on your way out, and it wouldn’t hurt to send a follow-up text in the next day or so.
Oh no, you fucked up—now what?!
Listen, things happen. Spills, breaks, or little mishaps are part of the deal at any party, and most hosts understand that. What really matters is how you handle it. If it’s something like a spill, address it immediately—grab a napkin, clean it up, and make sure it’s taken care of. For bigger issues, like a stain, let your host know discreetly—don’t leave them to discover it later.
Be proactive: offer to cover the cost of repairs or replacements, and follow through on it. Nothing’s worse than offering and not delivering. Apologize sincerely, but don’t overdo it—there’s no need to make the vibe uncomfortable. Own the mistake, fix it, and keep things light if you can. A little humor or grace in the moment can go a long way in diffusing tension.
Remember, it’s not about the mistake—it’s about how you recover.
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And with that, I hope you had a really lovely time. Being a guest is fun, but it’s also a skill—one rooted in kindness, respect, and attentiveness. Graciousness isn’t just about manners; it’s about creating an experience that makes your host feel appreciated and the gathering more enjoyable for everyone. It’s a quality worth nurturing, because at the heart of it, being a good guest helps build deeper connections and lasting memories. If you liked what I had to say, please consider subscribing to my monthly email newsletter.
